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How do you thrive as a single person? How do you experience the fullness of joy as a single? I’ve been single for 16 years, and I’ve learned a lot about myself and men in that time. Being widowed and dating again was a culture shock for me. I had been married for 10 years when I became widowed.  My husband was very good to me. He was my protector, my provider, and my soulmate. I was accustomed to being treated like a queen. He was sweet, kind, caring protective, hard working committed, and loyal. He was just a great man. He treated me special all the time. I had no worries when I was with him because he was going to make it happen.  So when he passed away, and I felt ready to open myself open to dating again, I was in shock. Things were very different than before, and I was in a different space in life.  I was older with children I had to think about more than myself.  I want to share some important lessons I learned as a result of my life experiences. Feel free to comment and share with me some life lessons you’ve learned in your singleness that has helped you become a better you.

 1. Know yourself first   Take all the time you need to really find out who you are at your core.  Find out what you love, what you value, where you see yourself in the future, and what you want in your life, in yourself and a life partner. Find out the things that you know makes you happy and makes you sad. Find out what your pet peeves are and know what you’re willing to live with and what you’re not willing to live with. Know what your boundaries are know how to set boundaries and know how to protect your boundaries. When you take the time to get to know yourself and fall in love with yourself and have peace with yourself, you’re more able to find that ultimate peace and soulfulness. Take yourself on dates, so that you know what you love and value about yourself because if you treat yourself well on dates, you’re less likely to allow others to treat you poorly on dates. Always know that which is for your highest and greatest good and be able to recognize it in other people.

2. Know what you want in a mate before you commit  Decide what it is you want in a mate and make sure those values and standards are compatible with yours. Know if it’s something you can live with for a long time. Commit to taking the time to figure out what it is you desire because when you choose a mate, this person will be with you through so many life stages and you’ll grow, and you’ll change. As they grow, they may or may not change. The most important thing is allowing someone into your life that you believe you can grow together with. Know now, that what you see is what you’re going to get. At certain stages of our lives, we’re more mature and less likely to change, than we are at other stages. The younger you are, the more likely it is you can change. As you grow older, you are more settled. You become set in your value system and in your belief system in the way you think and the way you operate. So make sure you choose a mate that has the same core value system as you and that way when you go through changes together it’s easier to transition because at your core you hold the same core values.

3. Commit to living your best life The best way to thrive in being single is to live your best life each day because when you commit to making yourself happy, finding Joy, finding peace, and soulfulness, you add contentment to your life.  Why not take that time of singleness to accomplish your goals, to accomplish your dreams, to invest the best part of you in other people because when you’re thriving, and you feel fulfilled, you become a better person for your mate. Please make sure that you have healed from any of your past relationships. Take the time to do the soul work necessary to heal from anything anyone has done in past relationships to cause you pain and find peace with your mistakes, with their mistakes, and find it in your heart to forgive. The best way to live your best life is to make sure you’re not walking around with open scars that can get further infected. So many of us carry open emotional scars inside of us, not truly healing, so it prohibits us from living our best life because we’re incomplete. We’re not soulful. We’re not able to maximize our joy, and when you do that, and you meet your mate, you bring emotional baggage and complicate someone else’s life. Bring joy because when you’re living your best life, you’re going to attract someone who’s living their best life as well, and both of you together can be a powerful compliment to each other.

  Mar 31, 2017